Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
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