'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
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