Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
