Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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