Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
