dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
