I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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