I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
