The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
