I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
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I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
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My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
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