when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
