Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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