i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
