is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
