just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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