I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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