The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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