Moan for me like Helen Keller
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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