Need sex. Gaining weight.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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