I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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