Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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