a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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