I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Randomize
