the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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