the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
