Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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