i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
