you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
