We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
