You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
