Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
