We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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