The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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