you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
