why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
