dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
