My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
