Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
