I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
