Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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