i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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