nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
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Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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