I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize