i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
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Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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