tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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