You just made me feel so damn special
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
