K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
