Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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