Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
