When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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