I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
