So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
