I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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