Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
