i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
