Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
