you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Randomize
