I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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