I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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