turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
