Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
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I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
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I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.