Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...