You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had to coat check the pizza.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
