That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Little spoons don't ask big questions
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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