3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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