Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
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his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
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I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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