Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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