Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
whose ass print is on the piano?
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
