i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
