she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
That's how pantless uber rides happen
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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