Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
