There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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