i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
