don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
