he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
