I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
