I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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