First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
