shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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