chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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